Camouflage and the Joint of Silence

The last weekend, or rather the last few weekends have been about camouflaging my true self with a veneer of materialism to ensure that I don't stand as an odd one out in the 'normal' world. But some of the veneer also boils down to some essential needs and that's where it gets complicated.

If you look a little deeper into the veneer you find that some of  the camoflague is born of my own desires rather than any externally imposed compulsion. Although, in the absolute analysis, everything in our external world, right from the close locus of our body to the unfathomable distances in space which our perception can envision, are given birth by our own desires, it's the canvas we have painted through our sanskars..our latent desires.

So, in that sense I painted Mumbai...the land of Bollywood and struggle and next was Gurgaon, India's very own US...and I must own it as a product of my SELF's creativity/rajas.

Yes, I am happy in Gurgaon...with all its external superficialities...and until that remains ...I remain here..

But on days, rather every day, there are moments when the shallowness hits and hits hard enough to numb out the brain and only a few minutes of silence can make it come back to 'normal' consciousness. And thus I take this joint of silence and carry on...escaping every weekened from the madness of my desires which bind me to the world.

Creativity...money..peace..research...the nodes on which professional satisfaction jumps for me and then stops to think whether I am the DOer in this drama or just a passive observer...

Because, the other way is to disown everything as HIS, and negate everything as being nothing but HIM, and surrendering completely to HIS fullness and just watching the show by HIS side.

So what is right? Which is the way?

The joint of silence...

:)