Divine Dichotomy : Whose Karma ?!

Continuing where I left in my last post, and just a few minutes later (!), there is one more age old and obvious question which has been doing the rounds in my head.

I read somewhere that control can either be absolute or not at all. And this is in context of the universe and how our tiny-miny life plays out in the vast cosmos which has existed since eternity. The number of variables which go into our just BEING at any given moment is so vast and hugely out of our either understanding or control that mere idea that we have any say about any thing in our lives or the world seems laughable. Even our inception (soul or body) was not something we controlled or perhaps willed, or even if we did, then we have no memory of it.

Then how can helpless puppets like us create Karma and be made answerable to it through circumstances which are not pleasant by any stretch of imagination?

And yet we believe in Karma theory and talk about paying for our past deeds and not creating any Karma for the  future etc. Something which suggests control.

Going back to my initial precept about having either FULL or NO control, the latter suggests full control and in that I wonder why I created such a world around me ? Why would I.....you know what....

Beats me. And only when we get beyond can we begin to enjoy.....

Ahh..the Divine Dichotomy ?!

Which ME ?

At the risk of stating something obvious once again, this time I intend to talk about the two MEs. No it's not the Gemini Twin theory (Gemini, that I am) but one which perhaps plays in every individual who has ever walked upon earth and ever will.

It's the material me and the spiritual me. Ok, accepted..no SURPRISE. But within this age old fact is an endless amount of drama which unfolds in our life. Taking my life, I see the material ME interested in all things which normal people do..you know, the usual fame, money, woman ..continuum. And then there is the spiritual me which is appalled at how ORDINARY I am. And no matter what I know (or rather, have read), what I live is far inferior and baser, compared to those puritan ideals.

Once in a while, while I do climb a spiritual peak and look at 'ordinary, mundane' things at a distance with distaste and dispassion and enjoy the atmosphere rarefied of material thoughts, I do find reality, but it's like a HIGH, a dose of a drug whose effect wanes down as I slowly and inescapably climb down to my other self, which takes up most of my time and attention.

Until I am again bruised and bleeding and run to the spiritual peak for solace. Perhaps, death of the material self only will permanently secure a memorial on the peak. They do say that being a sadhu is equivalent of dying. You give up your material possessions, relations...even your name and identity wearing the colour of fire to signify the temporary nature of the show around.

And yet for now, I can only see the material desires burning me slowly. Slowly...painfully. Perhaps to etch the memory in my conscience for all births to come. And I really prey that the memory of all the pain remains, how can I let go of this treasure? Karma?!