Which ME ?

At the risk of stating something obvious once again, this time I intend to talk about the two MEs. No it's not the Gemini Twin theory (Gemini, that I am) but one which perhaps plays in every individual who has ever walked upon earth and ever will.

It's the material me and the spiritual me. Ok, accepted..no SURPRISE. But within this age old fact is an endless amount of drama which unfolds in our life. Taking my life, I see the material ME interested in all things which normal people do..you know, the usual fame, money, woman ..continuum. And then there is the spiritual me which is appalled at how ORDINARY I am. And no matter what I know (or rather, have read), what I live is far inferior and baser, compared to those puritan ideals.

Once in a while, while I do climb a spiritual peak and look at 'ordinary, mundane' things at a distance with distaste and dispassion and enjoy the atmosphere rarefied of material thoughts, I do find reality, but it's like a HIGH, a dose of a drug whose effect wanes down as I slowly and inescapably climb down to my other self, which takes up most of my time and attention.

Until I am again bruised and bleeding and run to the spiritual peak for solace. Perhaps, death of the material self only will permanently secure a memorial on the peak. They do say that being a sadhu is equivalent of dying. You give up your material possessions, relations...even your name and identity wearing the colour of fire to signify the temporary nature of the show around.

And yet for now, I can only see the material desires burning me slowly. Slowly...painfully. Perhaps to etch the memory in my conscience for all births to come. And I really prey that the memory of all the pain remains, how can I let go of this treasure? Karma?!