Statutory Warning : Wishes May Come True !

My mind is like a football field right now.  And there are like 5 footballs and 10 Navendus playing for an equal number of goal posts. 

Its like even while I write this blog, I can think of at least 2-3 more titles depending on which goal it talks about.

Now, in order to bring some order to chaos, lets begin with (in advertising lingo.) Top-Of-Mind recall :)

Umm...some desires, which just refuse to die down, and as soon as I come from a 'teerth', they manifest in some form, subtle or gross...almost immediately...POP..like that !

On the one hand, its an instant gratification, on other is fear and guilt of satiating something which ULTIMATELY I am not or do not want but have to go through in order to get over it.

Now inherently there is nothing wrong in it but it is the scum attached..kam, krodh, lobh, moh...ahankaar which makes everything wortless and then the perennial feeling which emerges on certain occasions, and of late has been very pronounced...bole to...

kitne janam

kitne relations

kitne problems

kitne solutions

kitne ram

kitne ravana

par sab wahin ka wahin

How many more before we move on ?

And in that mindset, it's like you are lost in your own dhun, and whatever happens around seems immaterial and inconsequential, you are detached, and THAT IS WHY you can enjoy it fully for you come without expectations or burdens to that moment/situation and enjoy for whatever it is and give your all too, for you hold on to nothing...there is nothing to hold on to! Neither you nor that is around... drops evaporating on a hot metal plate..

And in that mindset, you wonder whether to focus on personal/professional aspirations which seem so ephemeral or live dreamlike and lost in a reality which is normally accepted  ....

And then personal goals...again a many pronged question which can lead you to X no. of directions, but in my current state, I think only about enjoying NOW and that will dominate, I am not interested in changing anything or anyone...

But even talking about enjoying now can mean creative/intellectual kick or something more geared towards self-actualization...

For when I see presentations like a senior was giving on Branding..I know what we will gimme a kick! Now I dun wanna CHANGE anything or anyone but I know what I can do well and in the long term that's all that I want to do.

Or, do I ?

So where were we ? Which ball...which field..which goal? Whose playing?

Disclaimer: The title of this blog has got nothing to do with the content or it's direction or flow...like many Hindi movies :)

 

Camouflage and the Joint of Silence

The last weekend, or rather the last few weekends have been about camouflaging my true self with a veneer of materialism to ensure that I don't stand as an odd one out in the 'normal' world. But some of the veneer also boils down to some essential needs and that's where it gets complicated.

If you look a little deeper into the veneer you find that some of  the camoflague is born of my own desires rather than any externally imposed compulsion. Although, in the absolute analysis, everything in our external world, right from the close locus of our body to the unfathomable distances in space which our perception can envision, are given birth by our own desires, it's the canvas we have painted through our sanskars..our latent desires.

So, in that sense I painted Mumbai...the land of Bollywood and struggle and next was Gurgaon, India's very own US...and I must own it as a product of my SELF's creativity/rajas.

Yes, I am happy in Gurgaon...with all its external superficialities...and until that remains ...I remain here..

But on days, rather every day, there are moments when the shallowness hits and hits hard enough to numb out the brain and only a few minutes of silence can make it come back to 'normal' consciousness. And thus I take this joint of silence and carry on...escaping every weekened from the madness of my desires which bind me to the world.

Creativity...money..peace..research...the nodes on which professional satisfaction jumps for me and then stops to think whether I am the DOer in this drama or just a passive observer...

Because, the other way is to disown everything as HIS, and negate everything as being nothing but HIM, and surrendering completely to HIS fullness and just watching the show by HIS side.

So what is right? Which is the way?

The joint of silence...

:)